The Emporer's New Clothes

For any of you who know what a big stink was made over the production of the movie, "The Tree of Life", I'm assuming you were somewhat curious about it too.  All anyone knew for the longest was that it starred Sean Penn and Brad Pitt.  Previews were cryptic and rare.  It was supposed to be an epic masterpiece.

So I rented it a couple of weeks ago and settled in to watch what I assumed would be an excellent film.  That saying about what happens when you assume has never been more true in my life.  I turned it off after 15 minutes.  It was the most pretentious, existential piece of crap I've ever seen.  There were few, if any words spoken, and those that were you couldn't even understand.  The cinematography was frustrating to say the least.  And at one point (right before I turned it off), I shit you not, all that was on the screen for 5 minutes straight were alternating images of lava flowing and celestial clouds set to the music they play when you get a massage.

That was a cinematic triumph?

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person.  Actually, most of my friends, especially guy friends, say I border on pretentious.  But all I could think watching that movie was "what. theeeee fuck?"  Just because something is abstract doesn't make it genius.  As my brother-in-law, who also gave the movie 15 minutes himself, put it, it's like The Emporer's New Clothes.  Everybody's afraid to say they don't like it because then they're afraid it makes them look stupid, like they missed the point or something.  But there is no god damn point to showing a muted woman crying and then 3 minutes of clouds passing by to peaceful background music.

Another example (I feel at least) is William Faulkner.  I've only read one book by him before and that's because I was forced to for some class: As I Lay Dying.  I picked up The Sound and the Fury earlier today to see if I had grown up a little more and had misjudged him.  Turns out no.  It's too much to put here, but just go ahead and read the first few paragraphs online.  Go ahead.  I dare you to make sense of it.  Faulkner jumps around to the past and back to the present, then to a different past without any warning.  To be honest, I've read books where authors have done this type of thing and I've still enjoyed them.  However, they at least lead you a little bit and their diction isn't as confusing as Faulkner's.

The point being, if you like something, like it.  If you don't, don't lie just to seem smart.  Because eventually, someone's going to call a bullshit flag on your play while you're trying to explain how "esoteric and brilliant" "The Tree of Life" was.  And then you're REALLY gonna look stupid.